you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize