I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
