Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
