he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
