At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
