at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
