There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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