Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
