Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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