He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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