That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
