They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
