I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize