Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
