Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
