you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
