i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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