I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
