I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
