So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
