Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
