How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
