there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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