haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
