dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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