On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you win again, gameday.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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