Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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