All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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