All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
