i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have post one night stand depression
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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