paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Shame is for Republicans.
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