She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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