i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
