I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
