i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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