Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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