can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize