if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
