first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
