his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
