If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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