Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
