I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
