I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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