direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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