woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you will always have a special place in my vag
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
