my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
