Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i believe in u and ur pee
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
