i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
