OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
