I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
