no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
