Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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