Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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