just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
the liver wants what the liver wants
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
