You were right. It hurts to walk today.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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