Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
