Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
