just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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