i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
from now on my penis is your penis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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