Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
