how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
