I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize