I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
