Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
