I think i peed on brittanys purse
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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