know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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