so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
