M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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