Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize