Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
