its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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