I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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