so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
