i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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