I need help removing her.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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